Plot Bunnies
by RenaKitten
Summary: A silly one-shot about a mage, a ranger, and a spellbook.


"So _Captain_, how's that stick up your ass this morning?"

Lyria didn't even look up from the old spellbook on front of her. "Just fine, thank you." The whole trick to Bishop was that if one didn't respond to his taunts, he eventually went away. At least that's the mantra that she chanted in her head every time he came around the library while she was studying.

"Oh, I don't know about that. Seems to me like the longer you're in this old keep, the further it gets shoved up there."

Flipping to the next page, Lyria mentally rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the ranger leaning against the library door. He had gotten into the habit lately of coming around and trying to convince her to go to bed with him. While the thought was tempting, she would have a better chance of waking up alive if she slept with poisonous snake.

When he didn't leave after several minutes of silence, she sighed. "Bishop, I need to go through all these books. I have to find useful spells that can help destroy the King of Shadows. Please go away. I'm very busy."

The dismissal had the expected and yet undesired effect of barely audible footsteps approaching the large table strewn with books. A sweep of Bishop's hand had several of the ancient tomes flying to the floor.

Lyria closed her eyes and winced at the thuds and rustles of damaged paper as the priceless books landed haphazardly on dirty stone floor.

"There. Now you're less busy."

"And so I am." With a tight smile of long suffered patience she looked up at him leaning on her table. "What do you want Bishop?"

His eyes swept over her slowly. "What does any man want?"

"World peace and good book to read in front of the fire?"

Bishop snorted. "Try again."

"A loving wife and a handful of little golden eyed rugrats?"

This time the snort was accompanied with a bark of mocking laughter.

Refusing to ask him what he wanted and give him the opening he was waiting for, Lyria pulled an exaggerated pondering look. Glancing around, her eyes fell to the page of the open book before her. "I got it," she said. "To be soft and loved by women and small children."

A growl escaped his throat. "Only the weak need love woman." Lightening fast he reached out a hand and gripped the back of her neck. Hauling her up out of the chair and against him, he pressed her firmly against his muscular body. Tangling his fingers in her hair he cruelly pulled until she raised her face to his. As his scowling lips descended on hers, he whispered, "And I will never be soft."

His mouth captured her own, a hard bruising kiss that shocked Lyria in its suddenness and left her breathless. Lightheaded, she clutched at his arms for support as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping along the outer edges of her lips demanding entry.

Parting her lips, she kissed him back until he pulled away slightly. "Who taught you how to kiss?" he murmured against her mouth.

"No one. Why?" she murmured back.

"Because you're horrible at it."

She stiffened and frowned, no longer lightheaded. "Bishop?"

He nuzzled her lips with his own before responding. "Yeah?"

"_Quis eram pro mihi est iam a lepus."_

"Wha-" was all he got out before his form started to shimmer and twist. In the space of a heartbeat where Bishop once stood sat a white long-eared rabbit. As it sat frozen in shock Lyria swooped down and picked him up.

"Well now. That's better I think." Shivering in fear, the rabbit trembled in her arms. She ran a hand over its silky soft fur and made little soothing cooing noises until it calmed down.

"Lyria, Kana said you found some new spell…" Sand stopped as he came through the library doorway and saw the bunny in her arms. "…books." Coming over to her he eyed the rabbit critically. "Did you call a new familiar?"

She smiled slightly and continued to pet the small animal. "Sort of."

"What's its name?"

Her smile widened. "Bishop."

Sand gave a delicate snort. "Our local ranger will not be pleased by that honor." Seeing the books the on the floor, he looked aghast. "Then again, if he did that, it's the least you could do. That homicidal madman has no inkling of the value of these books." He started picked up the books and reverently placing them back on the table. Reading at some of the titles curiously, he glanced up at her. "Working on transmutations again?"

Lyria coughed to cover a laugh. "I think I just about have them down."

"What have you been practicing on?" Giving the open spell book on the table a quick glance, his mouth dropped open. "Oh." His head jerked up and he eyed the rabbit warily. "Oh dear."

He came forward and lifted one of the long floppy ears. "Bishop, eh? I must say, this is a vast improvement."

As if understanding, the rabbit chattered angrily at the wizard. Sand lifted him out of Lyria's grasp and held him at arms length. "Cute." Indignantly, the rabbit formally known as Bishop twisted in his grasp, nipping angrily. Lifting the bunny up to eye level, Sand calmly and distinctly muttered, "I believe the cook is looking for rabbit for the stew tonight."

Smothering a laugh Lyria rescued Bishop from Sand and cuddled him protectively against her. "Come now Sand, I think this one is too tough to eat. He'd be stringy."

"Not to mention bitter."

Lyria walked over to the door and stuck her head out. Calling for a guard to bring Wolf and the other children up, she gave Sand a cheeky grin.

He hid a smile but then frowned. "You know, he's going to kill you when he changes back."

"Actully, I got that covered. In one of those other books, I saw a potion of forgetfulness. We feed it to him right before he changes and he won't remember a thing. Want to help whip that up?"

"What do we do with him until then? I am not allowing that animal into my laboratory."

Sand was interrupted but the pounding of footsteps and the high pitched laughter of children coming down the hall way. A gaggle of little orphan boys and girls poured into the library, immediately breaking out into squeals of delight as they saw bunny Bishop.

Lyria smiled at them and held out the rabbit. "Would you kids mind watching my new pet for me for awhile?"

Hands reached out and dirty faces immediately lit up as they took the rabbit, arguing amongst themselves over who would carry him. The rabbit shook in abject horror as sticky fingers caressed his soft fur and tugged gently at floppy ears. Delighted at their new responsibility the children left, calling promises to watch him carefully back over their shoulders.

Lyria glanced at Sand. "Now, about that potion."

*****

Lyria found the kids and Bishop in the Keep's kitchen. Potion in hand, she started laughing when she saw what they had done to him. Somewhere they had gotten a hold of some pink ribbon and tied multiple bows into his fur and were now trying to feed him some lettuce and carrots that were lying on the table.

Shooing the kids out of the room after thanking them profusely for watching him, she poured the potion into a shallow dish for him to drink. As he drank it down she undid the bows in his fur before setting him on the floor. Backing away, she carefully chanted the counterspell. Just like before there was a shimmer and twist and suddenly Bishop appeared on the floor.

With a groan he opened his eyes and looked around. "Why am I on the floor and why does my head hurt?"

Lyria reached out a hand to help him up. "You must have went to the tavern and drank to much. I came in here and found you passed out."

Bishop got to his feet with a grunt and shrugged. As he turned to leave Lyria noticed a single lonely pink bow in the back of his hair that she missed earlier. With a hand over her mouth to smother the giggles, she watched as he grabbed a carrot from the table and walked off muttering.


End file.
